Technology Corner #2

Today I'll be addressing a subject I get a lot of questions about, the likes of which I'm tired of answering individually.

High Definition - Why is it Important to Spend Your Money on It?

There are many things America does better than other countries: cars, electronics, healthcare, everything. But there are a few things that America does much better than other countries: television, action movies, and commercial radio. Throughout the history of their existence these three forms of American entertainment were a glorious privilege to enjoy, but within the past twenty years the falling costs of consumer electronics made it possible for just about anyone with a ratty knit-cap and a week’s-worth of food stamps to buy a television or radio and enjoy the cherished media past-times of the wealthy. Fortunately some of the most educated and maladjusted of this country – engineers – have been hard at work coming up with ways to make the media we already love even better and – more importantly – costlier. Enter High Definition.
High Definition (abbreviated HD) is a term that describes a variety of things. Most commonly known is its application to television (HDTV), but DVD’s and radio both have HD improvements available for those with discerning tastes and American Dollars. I won’t bore you with precise technical details, as their relevance to this particular article is limited, but suffice it to say that by adding High Definition to any given form of media its overall quality is vastly improved. Sounds get louder, visuals get more vivid, and those with the assets to invest in the equipment necessary to enjoy these improvements are rewarded for their contributions to the economy and for their successes in the Game of Capitalism.
High Definition Radio is probably the least-known of all the high definition options available to rich consumers. Basically, HD Radio is like the radio that poor people listen to, except its audio fidelity is much higher and you won’t accidentally stumble on any troublesome Spanish-only stations because they don’t exist on HD Radios, and I think we all know why. HD Radio broadcasts are all-digital, and require special HD Radio capable equipment in order to be enjoyed. Personally I’ve never taken the time to listen to HD radio, because I am a purist and will only enjoy music if it’s coming from something that was pressed on 180 gram vinyl, but I’m sure for radio-enthusiasts the Higher Definition is the only way to really enjoy the sounds of the (expensive) airwaves.
DVD’s have also received HD upgrades, but at the moment there is a bit of a catch to the whole affair: two different kinds of High Definition DVD media have emerged: Sony’s Blu-Ray format, and Toshiba’s HD-DVD. Both offer better picture quality and greater capacity for data storage than traditional DVD’s, and both require more expensive equipment in order to be utilized. As to which is better, well, that remains to be seen. Sony, in a valiant attempt to lock the unwashed out of the luxury of HD, decided to include Blu-Ray in their most recent and admirably-priced videogame console, the PS3. However, due to Sony’s decade of dominance in the videogame console market there is a large amount of brand loyalty to be found among the lower-income gamers of this country, a fact that’s soiled the perception that both the educated and the wealthy have of Sony. It’s for this reason that I support HD-DVD, with the added benefit that America’s Best Company also backs this format, ensuring that no ill will come from its adoption.
Finally, there’s High Definition Television. HDTV is, without a doubt, the most important thing to happen to the entertainment industry since movies started to talk. HDTV is like regular TV, but better in every imaginable way. HD replaces the antiquated and mathematically uncomfortable 4:3 aspect ratio of standard definition (SD) television with God’s Intended Widescreen (aspect ratio 16:9) and ups the resolution of the image viewers see by a significant amount.
You might be uncertain as to whether or not the improvements offered by High Definition justify the costs one has to pay in order to enjoy them. Here’s a hint: stop wondering, start buying. If you can’t afford the luxury of enjoying The Shield in glorious 1080p then I don’t want you taking up bandwidth that could be better used by somebody of Means by reading this blog.

Racist Celebrities - Why are They News?

As you might imagine, a person as efficient as myself can often wind up with a fair amount of free time. I realize that such a luxury is rare for many, and will be quick to reassure you that I do not waste these unfilled hours with trivial pursuits like table tennis or miniature golf (would to God that I could though, there are no miniature links nearby).
However, on occasion I do find myself hemorrhaging my idle time clicking passively through the regions of the internet that claim to give me the “real” news stories about “things” I “care about.” How wrong these sites are.
Lately (as in last month) all anybody wanted to talk about was the racist tirade spouted off by once-kind-of-famous tall person/actor Michael Richards. Before that it was “oh what’s to be done about Mel Gibson the drunken anti-Semite?” Now the world’s all up in arms because America’s favorite talking manatee made a remark about how news of America’s favorite drunken gnome’s appearance on this country’s dumbest TV show was reaching far and wide to the vast reaches of the Orient. So what, America?
Here’s the thing about racism: it’s been a staple of Hollywood for about as long as we kicked the red-man out of Los Angeles. The Indians had founded the city, which they called Shakemtown, as a holy land because something bad always wound up happening there. White settlers eventually moved in, killed the Indians, set up boulevards, and renamed the place. Did anybody go crazy and write to YouTube when this happened? No. So why all the fuss now? Sure, it isn’t popular to hold racist attitudes, but why are actors’ opinions on anything even relevant? I thought it was common knowledge that 93% of all actors are dumber than the average Australian, and therefore not worth listening to unless someone else wrote the words they are speaking, and the whole affair is taking place in front of the kind of camera that requires 3 years to learn how to operate.
Maybe it’s time America stopped paying so much attention to what actors – especially unattractive actors – have to say about various societal and political issues facing the world in this High-Definition age. Maybe it’s time America started paying a little more attention to the Grimary Gource.