Technology Corner #2

Today I'll be addressing a subject I get a lot of questions about, the likes of which I'm tired of answering individually.

High Definition - Why is it Important to Spend Your Money on It?

There are many things America does better than other countries: cars, electronics, healthcare, everything. But there are a few things that America does much better than other countries: television, action movies, and commercial radio. Throughout the history of their existence these three forms of American entertainment were a glorious privilege to enjoy, but within the past twenty years the falling costs of consumer electronics made it possible for just about anyone with a ratty knit-cap and a week’s-worth of food stamps to buy a television or radio and enjoy the cherished media past-times of the wealthy. Fortunately some of the most educated and maladjusted of this country – engineers – have been hard at work coming up with ways to make the media we already love even better and – more importantly – costlier. Enter High Definition.
High Definition (abbreviated HD) is a term that describes a variety of things. Most commonly known is its application to television (HDTV), but DVD’s and radio both have HD improvements available for those with discerning tastes and American Dollars. I won’t bore you with precise technical details, as their relevance to this particular article is limited, but suffice it to say that by adding High Definition to any given form of media its overall quality is vastly improved. Sounds get louder, visuals get more vivid, and those with the assets to invest in the equipment necessary to enjoy these improvements are rewarded for their contributions to the economy and for their successes in the Game of Capitalism.
High Definition Radio is probably the least-known of all the high definition options available to rich consumers. Basically, HD Radio is like the radio that poor people listen to, except its audio fidelity is much higher and you won’t accidentally stumble on any troublesome Spanish-only stations because they don’t exist on HD Radios, and I think we all know why. HD Radio broadcasts are all-digital, and require special HD Radio capable equipment in order to be enjoyed. Personally I’ve never taken the time to listen to HD radio, because I am a purist and will only enjoy music if it’s coming from something that was pressed on 180 gram vinyl, but I’m sure for radio-enthusiasts the Higher Definition is the only way to really enjoy the sounds of the (expensive) airwaves.
DVD’s have also received HD upgrades, but at the moment there is a bit of a catch to the whole affair: two different kinds of High Definition DVD media have emerged: Sony’s Blu-Ray format, and Toshiba’s HD-DVD. Both offer better picture quality and greater capacity for data storage than traditional DVD’s, and both require more expensive equipment in order to be utilized. As to which is better, well, that remains to be seen. Sony, in a valiant attempt to lock the unwashed out of the luxury of HD, decided to include Blu-Ray in their most recent and admirably-priced videogame console, the PS3. However, due to Sony’s decade of dominance in the videogame console market there is a large amount of brand loyalty to be found among the lower-income gamers of this country, a fact that’s soiled the perception that both the educated and the wealthy have of Sony. It’s for this reason that I support HD-DVD, with the added benefit that America’s Best Company also backs this format, ensuring that no ill will come from its adoption.
Finally, there’s High Definition Television. HDTV is, without a doubt, the most important thing to happen to the entertainment industry since movies started to talk. HDTV is like regular TV, but better in every imaginable way. HD replaces the antiquated and mathematically uncomfortable 4:3 aspect ratio of standard definition (SD) television with God’s Intended Widescreen (aspect ratio 16:9) and ups the resolution of the image viewers see by a significant amount.
You might be uncertain as to whether or not the improvements offered by High Definition justify the costs one has to pay in order to enjoy them. Here’s a hint: stop wondering, start buying. If you can’t afford the luxury of enjoying The Shield in glorious 1080p then I don’t want you taking up bandwidth that could be better used by somebody of Means by reading this blog.

Technology Corner #1

It’s time for the inaugural installment of…



That’s right folks - it’s time for me to tell you about the important technologies of the present time. Now, as you are already reading this website I’m going to trust that you’ve got a pretty good handle on how the internet works (you’d have to, in order to get to a URL as exclusive and excellent as this one), so I’m not going to waste space in this column explaining what things like “.php” and “~/superindex.go” mean in the context of the vast and dangerous internet. You don’t need the kind of trivial-pursuit-of-sadness knowledge that bespectacled teenagers with glandular problems hold in such high regard – no – you need facts. Facts and my opinions. Let’s compile, tech-minded readers.

Windows Vista – Why Haven’t You Bought a New Computer Just So You Can Install it Already?

It’s been quite awhile since we (and by “we” I mean “technology consumers of America) have had the opportunity to receive a brand new operating system from the Best Technology Company in the world – Microsoft. If you spend a lot of time on the internet, especially in places that report on technology news, or involve discussion of things of a technological nature you are bound to find a lot of people saying mean things about Microsoft at a fairly constant rate. If you think about it, this should really come as no surprise to anyone, just consider how many poorly-educated and hardly-washed members of the American community complain about our current administration despite said administration’s high levels of competence and fairness. Microsoft occupies a similar position in the world of technology – highly effective, infinitely admirable, and perpetually complained-about.
I’ve gotten off track though. What’s important is that Microsoft has just released their newest operating system unto the world – Windows Vista. This is the newest iteration of windows since the release of XP back in The Day (October 2001), and it’s putting the “fuck you, OSX” back into the popular phrase “fuck you OSX, OSX is for prissy ladies and men in turtlenecks.” Why is this? I’ll tell you. In addition to adding heaps of security features (users will reportedly no longer need to install ten to twelve additional programs onto their machines just to keep them safe during regular usage) Vista has just a magnificent kind of interface. In fact, so full of shiny buttons and super-rendered menu-bar textures is Microsoft’s newest operating system most people in the world would have to buy brand new computers just to run it. This. Is. So. Smart.
In case you haven’t noticed – and I trust you have – technology these days just isn’t as nice as it used to be. Ever since every almost-human, baseball-cap-wearing, beer-swilling retard was introduced to iPods and Firefox technology has become an ugly place – the kind of place that lets just anyone in. Windows Vista signals a return to the highly desirable and extremely necessary ideals of elitism that were once standard in the realm of things computerological. Enjoy it while it lasts, affluent and informed Americans, because it’s only a matter of time before the cost of producing today’s latest and greatest drops the technology into tomorrow’s bargain bins, once again flooding the right-clicking world with people who’re lucky to have evolved thumbs.