Clay - Great American Hero, or Terrorist Threat?

First, fuck you. It is a real letter.

This is my first address to the Infantry of the Army of Reason, the Gource's massive and ever-growing support base of readers, those little right-thinking soldiers who make this all possible - each of whom, in his own small way, is pushing us closer to That Time. I'm sure many of you subscribe to the country's diversionary altar of entertainment, the sporting pastimes, and so may have seen espn.com's recent outrageous cultural claim.
I'm not here to argue about the merits of their assertion. There are other, less respectable organizations for that. Frankly, I do not care to know who created 'rap' and am not sorry to see two of the worst cultural influences of the last forty years lumped together. Rather, the article made me reflect at the troubling way that the perception of Cassius Clay, alias Muhammad Ali, has changed over those years. It seems a shame that a man who refused to go to war for his country is now acclaimed as a national hero, and a brash, disrespectful man who constantly proclaimed himself the greatest of all time and called his opponents gorillas is now held to have created a major musical movement.

Clay could not prevent these damning pictures from getting out.

As an added offense, ESPN has enlisted another now-respected agitator to narrate (or as these people say, M.C.) the proceedings, namely Carlton Ridenhour, alias Chuck D. Like Clay, Ridenhour was imprisoned after refusing his patriotic duty to go to war for his country. (Ridenhour rejected a tour in the Gulf War in 1990, scandalously commenting in the press, "I'm a black man, and I can never be a veteran" before being deservedly locked up. Know your facts.) They've also recruited noted public enemies Al Sharpton and Sidney Poiter, aiming to make this program as offensive as possible.

Unfortunately, only one of these men was assassinated.

Of course the most troubling aspect of Clay's life is his religion, one has has been constantly at odds with our own. Are we not, in fact, at war with Islam all over the world? While Clay has always claimed to advocate pacifism, I hold with this upstanding journalist's good work on the subject and ask Clay, in Beck's words, to prove to me and all of us good Christian Reason-Soldiers that he is not a terrorist. We have a thing called burden of proof in this country, Mr. Clay, and also a right to deport or imprison possible enemies of freedom like yourself. We are not fooled by your put-on, pretended illness, which is surely merely a front to make you seem harmless. Clay is not the first terrorist to hide behind a physical disability. It is nearly time for the Army of Reason to mobilize against people like the venerated Clay. Will you be ready?Clay presiding over a jihadist religious ceremony. The connection between the Muslims and the Nazis has not yet been satisfactorily explored.

Science and Religion - Isn't it Time they Reconciled?

Now, this should come as no surprise to loyal readers, but I myself am an extremely reasonable man. I grew up in a house where the laws of God and the laws of physics were both followed to the letter. As a result of this sensible upbringing I have matured into the kind of person petty men resent, courageous men respect, and all virtuous women love. Obviously folks like myself are harder to come by than you might expect, especially in portions of the country that put too much or too little emphasis on the two most powerful forces in the universe: God and science.
The fact that God (the Christian one, of course) is magnificently powerful shouldn’t be news to anyone whose postmortem plans involve an extremely nice Kingdom in which to spend eternity. However there are many people – especially on the coasts of this country – who were not brought up with sufficient doses of vitamin G during their formative years. These are people who can frequently be found shouting at government buildings, wearing inappropriate clothes and failing to keep their front yards in good order. However, most were educated in schools that did a decent job of teaching science.
There is another end to this spectrum of unreasonable people – those with plenty of love for the Lord in the many chambers and foyers of their hearts, but without proper knowledge of how the universe fits together on a sub-meta-physical level. These people can often be found in southern states, far-western landlocked states, and states whose names rhyme with “Oh my, no.” It’s fairly obvious that a healthy fear of the invisibly omniscient is extremely important in the making of a Good Person, more important than being able to explain a catalytic converter, but the ability to apply the scientific method to everything that isn’t the Creator of the Universe is still indispensable. This brings me to the conclusion you probably predicted I’d come to had you read the opening question title of this article: Science and Religion (Christianity) need to be a major part of a person’s brain in order for that person to be as terrific as myself. In order to form a more perfect union I suggest that these two great tastes become mandatory in every form of education available to our nation’s youth, from public schools to billboards on lonely interstates. Private schools won’t be required to teach balanced educations, however, as most of their students wind up being the kind of people who are impossible to deal with people no matter what measures are taken. So come on America, improve your mind, improve your soul, download this .pdf, print tons of copies and hang them up everywhere. If people see this flyer hanging in a property that is yours, they will recognize you as one of the rational, religious elite.