Day Two of Islamofascismawarenessweek - What Will You Do?

Honestly, the Grimary Gource is a little disappointed. We are aware of our status as trailblazers and visionaries, and we are even used to being imitated occasionally. But really, don't our imitators understand when enough is enough? Yesterday, we made it clear that we would be providing up-to-the-minute coverage of Islamofascistawarenessweek. This, needless to say, was all some publications needed to start their own "coverage" of this event. The Gource would have been less disappointed if these "publications" had even a modicum of respect for the subject about which they're writing.
Here they discuss the plight of Christians in Muslim countries. At this point, one of their "writers" might be thinking, "How come The Grimary Gource is not discussing the way that Christians are victimized, every day, the world over?"
The answer should be obvious. Christians do not need any help from The Gource (or any paper substitutes). Christians are the only people in the whole world who possess the strength of heart, the courage of perseverance, to weather the coming Muslim storm. Suggesting that they need our help means that we do not trust them enough to visit upon the Muslim people their full wrath, as they have done so many times before. Nice try.

Islamofascismawarenessweek Kickoff Events!

As all right-thinking persons know, this week is Islamofascismawarenessweek, a week devoted to showing the dangers of radical Islam, a problem currently ignored by almost everyone in the United States (and all other White Places on Earth). In brief, the point of Islamofascismawarenessweek is to increase awareness of Islamofascism, a brand of Islam that encompasses all Muslims, the world over. It is high time that someone discussed, for example, the lack of rights given to women in Islamofascistcountries, and American conservatives are the ones to do it.
To get the week started off right, The Gource recommends asking a Muslim person (any one will do) to justify the astonishingly intolerant and inhuman behavior, of, for example, the practice of slavery in the Muslim world as recent as 1878. If they try to deny involvement, you know they are a terrorist.

The 2008 General Election - Must We Cover It?

Well, enough is enough. For months now The Gource has been bombarded by maladroit missives from morons demanding that we cover This Current Election. Frankly, The Gource does not need the advice of our readers -- if you were smarter, you would be providing content to this Glog. The time has come, however, to begin such coverage, and The Gource is not interested in hearing whether or not you agree.
A fine place to start this coverage would likely be last night's Republican debate, which careful political observers will remembers was Lolcats Themed. What made this unfortunate was the recent recusal of Sam Brownback from this election, seeing as his entire campaign thus far has been lolcats-based.
The other candidates fared just fine without him, although his absence was certainly notable, especially when a question of foreign policy devolved into an all-out shouting match between Giuliani and Thompson, with Giuliani's "im in ur country -- defending ur borders" met in turn with Thompson's "i can has presidency?"
The real surprise of the evening came from Mike Huckabee, who compared legalized abortion to the Holocaust. As Huckabee laboriously explained, "the germins koodnt giv joos the life they deserv, so, like a pregnint mother, abortid them."
Mitthew Romney seemed confident through all of this, though, knowing that polls had placed him in front of all other Republican candidates. His one contribution was during a question about moral legislation, during which Romney quietly noted "im with crist."
As further debates occur, expect The Gource to cover them. Come here for your best information on who will win this election.

Iraq - Do They Even Know Who They Are?

You'd have to be an idiot to be able to go a week without hearing members of the hoi polloi whining about Blackwater. If you are like me, you ignore any reporting of current events not addressed in the Grimary Gource, which means you have no idea what Blackwater is and think it might be some anti-industrial pollution-themed propaganda. Wrong, but I like your attitude.
Blackwater is actually a private militaristic organization that we, The United States, placed in Iraq. As the Gource has mentioned before, the U.S. has foolishly built up its military from the unwashed and stupid, creating a force that is scrappy and mentally disabled, ensuring loss at any head-to-head matchup. In its infinite wisdom, our government has hired a group of trained mercenaries to police Iraq, which is swiftly and inexplicably becoming unstable. Needless to say, some liberal crybabies are complaining that the Soldiers of Fortune at Blackwater have been randomly firing into crowds of civilians, killing any non-white person they can see.
Recently, the "Prime Minister" of Iraq has asked the United States to pull Blackwater out of Iraq. The Gource is not interested in debating whether or not Iraqi civilians deserve to be fired on (yes) or whether Blackwater should stay or go (stay). Frankly, the Gource is more concerned by the stupidity apparently rampant in Iraq's leadership.
Few of our readers will be old enough to remember Saddam Hussein, so here's a quick primer: he was a Muslim fanatic who conspired with the Jews to blow up the World Trade Center and attack some of our most valuable fields. We went into Iraq to see if he had any nuclear weaponry, and found that not only did he have SO MANY nuclear weapons, but his own people also hated him. They were too weak to get rid of him, so we sneaked into his castle and shot him through the head.
Here is a message to the people of Iraq: Who the hell do you think you are to try to get a whole paramilitary organization out of your company? You couldn't even handle kicking out a mustachioed fat man. Get serious, Iraq. We'll kick Blackwater out ourselves once we've funded them enough that they take over the country and have policies we dislike.

The Gays - Why Are We Unable to Contain Them?

Recently, the Vatican suspended a priest for being gay and claiming that it's not a sin. Those who are unfamiliar with The Gource may think that this is a rare occurrence of a Thing That Doesn't Frustrate Me. Those people are idiots. Frankly, this suspension may be the beginning of a painful end to a centuries-long tradition that has kept our society stable.
It is well-documented that homosexuals are ill-suited to careers in public office. Furthermore, they cannot be teachers or police officers, and they have absolutely ruined Broadway for the rest of us. Since there have been jobs, gays have been unwelcome to hold them. This is why they have long been relegated to the clergy, where they can discreetly do their disgusting business to other dudes without the rest of us having to think about it, see it, or hear about it, ever.
Then documentaries like Deliver Us From Evil threw a spotlight on the sex lives of those behind the collar, and the public was outraged, and now we have to think about sodomy, which is something the Gource tries to avoid at all times (both the thinking and the doing). The Vatican used to be highly skilled at shuffling its deck of priests so that no deviant would get bored of the same group of children and be thus inclined to go public with their pederasty/homosexuality. Now, out of nowhere, it is letting the public know that one of its priests is gay, and is pretending that this isn't exactly the way this works.
Listen, we're aware that the Catholic Church is under new management, but this sort of disrespect for the way things are done and a complete disregard for the past is becoming the hallmark of this Papal administration. If they don't get their asses in gear out there in Vatican City, they may find people looking to other denominations where gays are more welcome.

Improvement - What's Wrong With That?

Absolutely nothing, of course. But all of a sudden, people are saying that it is "bigoted" to suggest that a group of people improve themselves. If this is the America in which we're living, this is an America that could stand some perfecting itself.
Specifically, we are referring to the comments made by a well-respected political pundit. Ann Coulter, long alone as a mouthpiece of Rightness and Justice, has explained that Christians "just want Jews to be perfected." This, for whatever reason, is drawing fire from some high-powered Jews. Frankly, The Grimary Gource feels that Miss Coulter was being far too charitable.
Some people are born privileged, some are not. This is just the facts. Those that fail to be born Christian probably are, in the Gource's estimation, unsalvageable. If science suggests otherwise, the Gource holds firm that these Jews are not worth saving.
Miss Coulter, somehow, has taken a far more charitable tack. She is suggesting, against all evidence, that Jews are reformable. This is patently absurd. The issue we should be taking with Miss Coulter's comments is not that she suggested that Jews are imperfect; it is suggesting that they have the potential to improve. Until such time as the Jews vote, en masse, for a candidate who does not endorse the things that matter most to them (money-grubbing, baby-boiling), we will remain in a world where the Jews can be ignored as a voting bloc (seriously, they're like 2%, tops, of the voting public).