Thursday, March 29, 2007

The Health Risks of Feminism - Why Is This News-worthy?

Recently, a Swedish study reported that women who earn the same amount of money as their husbands are more likely to become disabled, ill, or homosexual. It is not a leap to use this information to mandate that women make less money than men, or not work at all. This would, of course, all be for their own good. The Grimary Gource is unafraid to call Sweden out on this error.
Ever since man learned to use a rectal thermometer, science and medicine have consistently and without bias found that there are inherent risks to women acting too much like men. Hysteria, a nervous condition we have yet to cure today, causes women to go completely mad if they attempt to abstain from healing sexual intercourse with men.
But the Grimary Gource always knew that the health risks were not the main reason why women should abstain from feminism. The real risks are, of course, ethical. There can be no functioning society without very clear and well-established labor and social roles, and women have always been the people who do not work and are, once they come of age, sold to a rich family to improve her family's social standing. That is the way of the world. Who are we to change this?
So no, the Grimary Gource does not care that a new, completely neutral, foreign study has found more reasons why women will likely die or come undone. The Gource already knew that it was a bad idea, and the Gource never worries about health risks. The Gource's grimary concern is always the Best and Most Excellent way to live one's life, regardless of that life's length. And women earning as much as men is no way to live a life.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Honorary Degrees - Who Needs Them?

Wake up, America's University and College students. It is increasingly clear that you have been wasting years of your life on a degree that is ultimately meaningless. According to the National Institute of Research for the Family, people with college degrees are eight times as likely to be murdered in their sleep by people without college degrees than are people without college degrees likely to be murdered in their sleep by family members, either by blood or by marriage. The numbers are chilling.
As many of you probably noticed, Presidential brother and champion sack-racer Jeb Bush was recently denied an honorary degree by the University of Florida (most popular major: obstetrics). As far as The Gource is concerned, this is excellent news for all concerned.
The "honorary degree" movement that has been sweeping the nation in the past few months is further devaluing the power of actually having a degree from an accredited Place of Learning. Why graduate Gufts if I can just wait until I am widely recognized for my Many Merits and thus granted an honorary degree? Furthermore, this may affect the murder rate in unforeseen ways. If anyone can get a college degree, it may be harder to tell who is likely to be murdered by whom, and then how will we know what crimes to preemptively stop? Frankly, the whole this is madness.
If you are prepared to lower your risk of death, The Gource recommends you drop out of any college program in which you may be enrolled. Also, write to your Senator and tell them how you feel about honorary degrees. Here is a template to fill out:

Dear Mr. (name of Senator),
It is high time that it be made illegal for colleges and universities to (give honorary degrees). These "degrees" destroy our ability to effectively combat crime, which puts an unreasonable burden on our law-enforcement officers, who are still learning to shoot. I am a (your job), and I not only vote, but I also (something civic you do; e.g., kill muggers, rewrite Japanese history books). Unless you make this an official law, you can count on my (organization you belong to; e.g., union, fight club) voting for whoever runs against you. Sucka.
Angrily,
(your name), reader of The Grimary Gource

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Political Discourse - Why Doesn't It Include More Offensive Slurs?

This article has been slightly edited from its original posting. It now includes the word "kike" in this introduction.

It is so rare that The Grimary Gource finds someone within the political process who speaks out in a way America can be proud of, so it is all too necessary that the Gource give kudos to Republican journalist/homemaker Ann Coulter, who finally outed John Edwards as a homosexual:

She has, of course, come under fire by the Orwellian Democratic Party, members of which are insisting that she be silenced for her "hate speech" (do they mean "straight speech?"). The Grimary Gource thinks that if Miss Coulter is going to quiet down on this all-too-important issue, there is only one option: we must take up her stead and continue what she started.
Not only is John Edwards a faggot, but we have it on good authority that Barack Obama is a skinny faggot bottom. You don't need The Grimary Gource to tell you that Hillary Clinton is a dyke, but did you know that she munches Barbara Boxer's fur pie? Of course, there are traitors within the Republican Party. Former human being Strom Thurmond was a faggot niggerlover--photos have surfaced of him performing oral sex on no other than Huey P. Newton, the very man he was assigned to kill!
We hope this issue will not die, and that Ann Coulter is allowed to continue to speak her mind. If we silence her, we allow T. R. Knight and his kind to operate freely in our society--something that is unacceptable to the common (heterosexual) man.