Clay - Great American Hero, or Terrorist Threat?

First, fuck you. It is a real letter.

This is my first address to the Infantry of the Army of Reason, the Gource's massive and ever-growing support base of readers, those little right-thinking soldiers who make this all possible - each of whom, in his own small way, is pushing us closer to That Time. I'm sure many of you subscribe to the country's diversionary altar of entertainment, the sporting pastimes, and so may have seen espn.com's recent outrageous cultural claim.
I'm not here to argue about the merits of their assertion. There are other, less respectable organizations for that. Frankly, I do not care to know who created 'rap' and am not sorry to see two of the worst cultural influences of the last forty years lumped together. Rather, the article made me reflect at the troubling way that the perception of Cassius Clay, alias Muhammad Ali, has changed over those years. It seems a shame that a man who refused to go to war for his country is now acclaimed as a national hero, and a brash, disrespectful man who constantly proclaimed himself the greatest of all time and called his opponents gorillas is now held to have created a major musical movement.

Clay could not prevent these damning pictures from getting out.

As an added offense, ESPN has enlisted another now-respected agitator to narrate (or as these people say, M.C.) the proceedings, namely Carlton Ridenhour, alias Chuck D. Like Clay, Ridenhour was imprisoned after refusing his patriotic duty to go to war for his country. (Ridenhour rejected a tour in the Gulf War in 1990, scandalously commenting in the press, "I'm a black man, and I can never be a veteran" before being deservedly locked up. Know your facts.) They've also recruited noted public enemies Al Sharpton and Sidney Poiter, aiming to make this program as offensive as possible.

Unfortunately, only one of these men was assassinated.

Of course the most troubling aspect of Clay's life is his religion, one has has been constantly at odds with our own. Are we not, in fact, at war with Islam all over the world? While Clay has always claimed to advocate pacifism, I hold with this upstanding journalist's good work on the subject and ask Clay, in Beck's words, to prove to me and all of us good Christian Reason-Soldiers that he is not a terrorist. We have a thing called burden of proof in this country, Mr. Clay, and also a right to deport or imprison possible enemies of freedom like yourself. We are not fooled by your put-on, pretended illness, which is surely merely a front to make you seem harmless. Clay is not the first terrorist to hide behind a physical disability. It is nearly time for the Army of Reason to mobilize against people like the venerated Clay. Will you be ready?Clay presiding over a jihadist religious ceremony. The connection between the Muslims and the Nazis has not yet been satisfactorily explored.

Racist Celebrities - Why are They News?

As you might imagine, a person as efficient as myself can often wind up with a fair amount of free time. I realize that such a luxury is rare for many, and will be quick to reassure you that I do not waste these unfilled hours with trivial pursuits like table tennis or miniature golf (would to God that I could though, there are no miniature links nearby).
However, on occasion I do find myself hemorrhaging my idle time clicking passively through the regions of the internet that claim to give me the “real” news stories about “things” I “care about.” How wrong these sites are.
Lately (as in last month) all anybody wanted to talk about was the racist tirade spouted off by once-kind-of-famous tall person/actor Michael Richards. Before that it was “oh what’s to be done about Mel Gibson the drunken anti-Semite?” Now the world’s all up in arms because America’s favorite talking manatee made a remark about how news of America’s favorite drunken gnome’s appearance on this country’s dumbest TV show was reaching far and wide to the vast reaches of the Orient. So what, America?
Here’s the thing about racism: it’s been a staple of Hollywood for about as long as we kicked the red-man out of Los Angeles. The Indians had founded the city, which they called Shakemtown, as a holy land because something bad always wound up happening there. White settlers eventually moved in, killed the Indians, set up boulevards, and renamed the place. Did anybody go crazy and write to YouTube when this happened? No. So why all the fuss now? Sure, it isn’t popular to hold racist attitudes, but why are actors’ opinions on anything even relevant? I thought it was common knowledge that 93% of all actors are dumber than the average Australian, and therefore not worth listening to unless someone else wrote the words they are speaking, and the whole affair is taking place in front of the kind of camera that requires 3 years to learn how to operate.
Maybe it’s time America stopped paying so much attention to what actors – especially unattractive actors – have to say about various societal and political issues facing the world in this High-Definition age. Maybe it’s time America started paying a little more attention to the Grimary Gource.