It’s time for the inaugural installment of…
That’s right folks - it’s time for me to tell you about the important technologies of the present time. Now, as you are already reading this website I’m going to trust that you’ve got a pretty good handle on how the internet works (you’d have to, in order to get to a URL as exclusive and excellent as this one), so I’m not going to waste space in this column explaining what things like “.php” and “~/superindex.go” mean in the context of the vast and dangerous internet. You don’t need the kind of trivial-pursuit-of-sadness knowledge that bespectacled teenagers with glandular problems hold in such high regard – no – you need facts. Facts and my opinions. Let’s compile, tech-minded readers.
It’s been quite awhile since we (and by “we” I mean “technology consumers of America) have had the opportunity to receive a brand new operating system from the Best Technology Company in the world – Microsoft. If you spend a lot of time on the internet, especially in places that report on technology news, or involve discussion of things of a technological nature you are bound to find a lot of people saying mean things about Microsoft at a fairly constant rate. If you think about it, this should really come as no surprise to anyone, just consider how many poorly-educated and hardly-washed members of the American community complain about our current administration despite said administration’s high levels of competence and fairness. Microsoft occupies a similar position in the world of technology – highly effective, infinitely admirable, and perpetually complained-about.
I’ve gotten off track though. What’s important is that Microsoft has just released their newest operating system unto the world – Windows Vista. This is the newest iteration of windows since the release of XP back in The Day (October 2001), and it’s putting the “fuck you, OSX” back into the popular phrase “fuck you OSX, OSX is for prissy ladies and men in turtlenecks.” Why is this? I’ll tell you. In addition to adding heaps of security features (users will reportedly no longer need to install ten to twelve additional programs onto their machines just to keep them safe during regular usage) Vista has just a magnificent kind of interface. In fact, so full of shiny buttons and super-rendered menu-bar textures is Microsoft’s newest operating system most people in the world would have to buy brand new computers just to run it. This. Is. So. Smart.
In case you haven’t noticed – and I trust you have – technology these days just isn’t as nice as it used to be. Ever since every almost-human, baseball-cap-wearing, beer-swilling retard was introduced to iPods and Firefox technology has become an ugly place – the kind of place that lets just anyone in. Windows Vista signals a return to the highly desirable and extremely necessary ideals of elitism that were once standard in the realm of things computerological. Enjoy it while it lasts, affluent and informed Americans, because it’s only a matter of time before the cost of producing today’s latest and greatest drops the technology into tomorrow’s bargain bins, once again flooding the right-clicking world with people who’re lucky to have evolved thumbs.
That’s right folks - it’s time for me to tell you about the important technologies of the present time. Now, as you are already reading this website I’m going to trust that you’ve got a pretty good handle on how the internet works (you’d have to, in order to get to a URL as exclusive and excellent as this one), so I’m not going to waste space in this column explaining what things like “.php” and “~/superindex.go” mean in the context of the vast and dangerous internet. You don’t need the kind of trivial-pursuit-of-sadness knowledge that bespectacled teenagers with glandular problems hold in such high regard – no – you need facts. Facts and my opinions. Let’s compile, tech-minded readers.
Windows Vista – Why Haven’t You Bought a New Computer Just So You Can Install it Already?
It’s been quite awhile since we (and by “we” I mean “technology consumers of America) have had the opportunity to receive a brand new operating system from the Best Technology Company in the world – Microsoft. If you spend a lot of time on the internet, especially in places that report on technology news, or involve discussion of things of a technological nature you are bound to find a lot of people saying mean things about Microsoft at a fairly constant rate. If you think about it, this should really come as no surprise to anyone, just consider how many poorly-educated and hardly-washed members of the American community complain about our current administration despite said administration’s high levels of competence and fairness. Microsoft occupies a similar position in the world of technology – highly effective, infinitely admirable, and perpetually complained-about.
I’ve gotten off track though. What’s important is that Microsoft has just released their newest operating system unto the world – Windows Vista. This is the newest iteration of windows since the release of XP back in The Day (October 2001), and it’s putting the “fuck you, OSX” back into the popular phrase “fuck you OSX, OSX is for prissy ladies and men in turtlenecks.” Why is this? I’ll tell you. In addition to adding heaps of security features (users will reportedly no longer need to install ten to twelve additional programs onto their machines just to keep them safe during regular usage) Vista has just a magnificent kind of interface. In fact, so full of shiny buttons and super-rendered menu-bar textures is Microsoft’s newest operating system most people in the world would have to buy brand new computers just to run it. This. Is. So. Smart.
In case you haven’t noticed – and I trust you have – technology these days just isn’t as nice as it used to be. Ever since every almost-human, baseball-cap-wearing, beer-swilling retard was introduced to iPods and Firefox technology has become an ugly place – the kind of place that lets just anyone in. Windows Vista signals a return to the highly desirable and extremely necessary ideals of elitism that were once standard in the realm of things computerological. Enjoy it while it lasts, affluent and informed Americans, because it’s only a matter of time before the cost of producing today’s latest and greatest drops the technology into tomorrow’s bargain bins, once again flooding the right-clicking world with people who’re lucky to have evolved thumbs.
1 comment:
I guess that you agree with another blogger that I follow continually, Stubs McKinley, about those who where baseball caps. I would respond in kind as I did to Mr. McKinley but I don't have the time to deal with bigots twice. Most of the time I have great respect for your opinion Guiles. You have one of the only opinions I trust besides my dalmation, Bubbles. Here is a link to to Mr. McKinley's column and you can look at my response:
http://www.fasterthanashark.blogspot.com/
I still agree with your ideas about microsoft and the world, but not about baseball cap wearers.
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