This weekend, I went to Washington, D.C. to plant a cherry tree on the Washington Mall. A bit sappy, I admit, but it is my way of showing America that I care. In this instance, the cherry tree is meant to bring public attention to the long history of presidential crimes (remember that old tale of John Quincy Adams fellating a cherry tree?), thus suggesting that rather than “presidents” or “congresses” or “a judicial branch,” what America needs is a Gilosopher Ging. Hint, hint.
Anyway, my enjoyment of this tree-planting event was greatly marred by the presence of some fifty people who were walking around and shouting obscure slogans. It’s hard to say what it was they wanted (their posters ranged from such messages as “U.S. Out of Iraq!” to “Israel Out of Palestine!” to “Abortion is Murder!” to “Deport All Asians!”), but their overall goal appeared to be inconveniencing ordinary, brilliant citizens, like this author.
Long ago, the United States demonstrated the wisdom and foresight to create a city that would be almost entirely black and poor. We called it Washington, D.C., after George Washington Carver, a folk hero in black tradition. We then started sending white missionaries into this area (we call them “politicians”), but many were afraid to take residence there, so they bought houses in surrounding suburbs and commuted in using Washington, D.C.’s terrific public transit system.
Now, ever since some radical Marxists got it into their heads that rallies are effective ways of bringing change, every few months a huge number of white people pour into the city, not only confusing the local denizens but obstructing the missionaries from their goals of a White America by 2013.
And these are not your ordinary white people. You know which kind these ar
e. Dreadlocked. If you haven’t observed this phenomenon, consider yourself lucky. A recent report by The Institute for Careful Study noted that nearly 88% of all white radicals wear their hair in dreadlocks. They are also often very tan, and occasionally wear blackface. Know your facts. Now, I enjoy a good minstrel show tap routine as much as the next (white) man, but there is a time and a place for it, and this weekend in Washington, D.C. is neither.
I plead with you, should any wrongheaded radicals be reading this: leave your protests at home. Conduct a hunger strike. Set yourself on fire. Put yourself under house arrest. Nobody wants to see you whining. Now you know.
Long ago, the United States demonstrated the wisdom and foresight to create a city that would be almost entirely black and poor. We called it Washington, D.C., after George Washington Carver, a folk hero in black tradition. We then started sending white missionaries into this area (we call them “politicians”), but many were afraid to take residence there, so they bought houses in surrounding suburbs and commuted in using Washington, D.C.’s terrific public transit system.
Now, ever since some radical Marxists got it into their heads that rallies are effective ways of bringing change, every few months a huge number of white people pour into the city, not only confusing the local denizens but obstructing the missionaries from their goals of a White America by 2013.
And these are not your ordinary white people. You know which kind these ar
e. Dreadlocked. If you haven’t observed this phenomenon, consider yourself lucky. A recent report by The Institute for Careful Study noted that nearly 88% of all white radicals wear their hair in dreadlocks. They are also often very tan, and occasionally wear blackface. Know your facts. Now, I enjoy a good minstrel show tap routine as much as the next (white) man, but there is a time and a place for it, and this weekend in Washington, D.C. is neither.I plead with you, should any wrongheaded radicals be reading this: leave your protests at home. Conduct a hunger strike. Set yourself on fire. Put yourself under house arrest. Nobody wants to see you whining. Now you know.
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