For a long time, the Grimary Gource has been staunch and unwavering in its complete accuracy in all matters discussed in this page. Through the dual means of Strict Method and Absolute Faith, all things can be correctly divined in and of this world. It would be absolutely absurd to begin to rely on scientific theories that have no basis in the root of science, Sir Isaac Newton (a hero and American patriot). If, for example, one were to claim that all items fall at the same velocity, the Grimary Gource can confidently point to Sir Newton’s work to disprove such a laughable notion.
The same is true of language, as well. The English language has its very roots in the first Bible, written by Guttenberg. For this reason, the Grimary Gource stands firm against all deviations from the roots of the English language. This is a massive undertaking, and one that nothing but the Gource is prepared to handle.
First, we shall here excise all False Adjectives. To those of you who went to public school* (and bully for you for wising up enough to read this!) and thus didn’t get to hear about False Adjectives because you were too busy learning about how to perform an abortion with a clothespin: False Adjectives are proper nouns with important suffices added to the end, masquerading as Real Adjectives. Here is a handy table so you can get a sense of the difference:
Let’s go through them one by one. “Freudian” is of course derived from Sigmund Fre
ud, the father of modern psychoanalysis. The fact that all psychoanalysis stems from his brilliance means that psychoanalysis is, by definition, Freudian. This adjective is not only an imposter w
ithin the English language; it is also wholly redundant.
“Reaganesque” comes from Ronald Reagan, the fourth Real President of the United States. He was known for his endearing storytelling method, where he would begin to tell a story, and then halfway through forget what story he was telling and conclude with an unrelated limerick. A brilliant and noble statesman, wholly worthy of an airport to be named after him, it does his legacy an injustice to continue to remember him. We should treat him the way he treated affairs of state—allow them to fade with dementia.
“Orwellian” bears the distinction of being the only one of these False
Adjectives to have been created by the person for whom it is named, George Orwell. When he first published Animal Farm, he titled it Animal Farm: An Orwellian Tale by George Orwell. The fact that “Orwellian” referred to the book’s ability to captivate was completely lost on most readers, so when his predictive but ultimately error-riddled 1984 came out, each and every review used the word “Orwellian” to describe it. Orwell thought it an elaborate joke on our language. We should not allow him to have the same effect on our adjectives as he has on our older, male siblings.
All
of Kafka’s texts take a man who is thrust into a complex, maze-like scenario, from which squirming only makes him penetrate deeper. Remind you of anything? “Kafkaesque” was coined by schoolchildren who wanted another way of expressing their confused and inappropriate sexual feelings. If someone tries to call sex with you “a real Kafkaesque experience” kick her out of your bed and inform her that she arouses you. That should set her straight.
It is important that we not allow the English language to slip out of our hands and become something far, far worse (Spanish). The only way to prevent this from happening is by paying strict attention to the words of the Bible and not using any language structure not found there. Don’t be afraid to correct someone. They’re not afraid to poison your airspace with False Adjectives.
*Please note that public schools differ from Perfect Public Schools, the likes of which Guiles Gonoughan mentions attending in his memoirs.
The same is true of language, as well. The English language has its very roots in the first Bible, written by Guttenberg. For this reason, the Grimary Gource stands firm against all deviations from the roots of the English language. This is a massive undertaking, and one that nothing but the Gource is prepared to handle.
First, we shall here excise all False Adjectives. To those of you who went to public school* (and bully for you for wising up enough to read this!) and thus didn’t get to hear about False Adjectives because you were too busy learning about how to perform an abortion with a clothespin: False Adjectives are proper nouns with important suffices added to the end, masquerading as Real Adjectives. Here is a handy table so you can get a sense of the difference:
Let’s go through them one by one. “Freudian” is of course derived from Sigmund Fre
ud, the father of modern psychoanalysis. The fact that all psychoanalysis stems from his brilliance means that psychoanalysis is, by definition, Freudian. This adjective is not only an imposter within the English language; it is also wholly redundant.“Reaganesque” comes from Ronald Reagan, the fourth Real President of the United States. He was known for his endearing storytelling method, where he would begin to tell a story, and then halfway through forget what story he was telling and conclude with an unrelated limerick. A brilliant and noble statesman, wholly worthy of an airport to be named after him, it does his legacy an injustice to continue to remember him. We should treat him the way he treated affairs of state—allow them to fade with dementia.
“Orwellian” bears the distinction of being the only one of these False
Adjectives to have been created by the person for whom it is named, George Orwell. When he first published Animal Farm, he titled it Animal Farm: An Orwellian Tale by George Orwell. The fact that “Orwellian” referred to the book’s ability to captivate was completely lost on most readers, so when his predictive but ultimately error-riddled 1984 came out, each and every review used the word “Orwellian” to describe it. Orwell thought it an elaborate joke on our language. We should not allow him to have the same effect on our adjectives as he has on our older, male siblings.All
of Kafka’s texts take a man who is thrust into a complex, maze-like scenario, from which squirming only makes him penetrate deeper. Remind you of anything? “Kafkaesque” was coined by schoolchildren who wanted another way of expressing their confused and inappropriate sexual feelings. If someone tries to call sex with you “a real Kafkaesque experience” kick her out of your bed and inform her that she arouses you. That should set her straight.It is important that we not allow the English language to slip out of our hands and become something far, far worse (Spanish). The only way to prevent this from happening is by paying strict attention to the words of the Bible and not using any language structure not found there. Don’t be afraid to correct someone. They’re not afraid to poison your airspace with False Adjectives.
*Please note that public schools differ from Perfect Public Schools, the likes of which Guiles Gonoughan mentions attending in his memoirs.
3 comments:
Andrew Jackson, Ulysses S. Grant, and Dwight D. Eisenhower. Is there a better qualification for the presidency than successful, gutful, chomping generalship?
Is there a more superior form of speach than the rhetorical?
Obviously not.
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