Helicopters - Aren't they Ridiculous Contraptions?

Have you ever really looked at a helicopter? I’m not asking if you’ve ever seen one, and I’m not even asking in hopes that you’ll answer, because I don’t care. The point I’m trying to make is that helicopters are a fucking outrageous mode of transportation. It might seem weird, but I feel a lot less comfortable with a vehicle that is not symmetrical. A scientist would probably say that this is because of evolutionary factors that make human beings like things that have lines of symmetry. Helicopters, being the precarious and dangerous crafts that they are, try to warn us humans of the threat they pose by failing to be symmetrical, much like poison dart frogs exhibit bright and garish colors in order to keep would-be predators safe from their deadly poison.

Of course, I haven’t even mentioned the most dangerous aspect of helicopters: they are inexorably drawn to power lines, like flies to honey or meth addicts to run-down areas of suburbia. I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel comfortable with aircraft that are so disastrously prone to getting themselves tangled up in high tension cables that frequently have an absurd amount of current running through them.
Here’s what I suggest: everybody should stop using helicopters, forever. “What would we replace them with?” you ask. Easy: hot air balloons. Hot air balloons have so much symmetry it’s insane, and they’re much quieter than helicopters. They might not work as well in windy areas, but it’s important to remember that places with lots of wind are also places you shouldn’t be living, because you never know when wind might turn on you and become a hurricane.