Recently, the Gource has noticed a viral outbreak of nostalgia all over the United States. “Things were so much better then,” people whine, “back when there was courtesy and no cuss words and fifty cents would buy you a tractor-trailer and all you needed was pluck and aspirations in order to maintain a perfect lawn.” There are more people I have heard say this than there are awful, mass-produced bagels in the state of Massachusetts. I have news for these people: things were not better back in the pre-nostalgic days. In fact, it was quite the opposite. They were worse.
Seriously, look at the statistics: 80% of people born between 1900 and 1980 held their hair in place with Bryl-Creme. Elections were held monthly to decide on local dogcatchers. The only illegal drug was Quaaludes. There were only two websites: Yahoo! and shockwave.com. And the soul patch-to-person ratio was 3:1. I am not making any sort of subjective judgment here; there are the facts. Go ahead and interpret them as you will.
Just consider these. It is time to stop being nostalgic. The fact is, there was never any perfect time period. We can only hope to work together and create a uptopia where the Velvet Underground is banned from our airwaves. Where kites shaped like anything but a diamond are summarily conflagrated. And we can cure the common cold. Remember, these ideas ran first here, in the Gource.
Seriously, look at the statistics: 80% of people born between 1900 and 1980 held their hair in place with Bryl-Creme. Elections were held monthly to decide on local dogcatchers. The only illegal drug was Quaaludes. There were only two websites: Yahoo! and shockwave.com. And the soul patch-to-person ratio was 3:1. I am not making any sort of subjective judgment here; there are the facts. Go ahead and interpret them as you will.
Just consider these. It is time to stop being nostalgic. The fact is, there was never any perfect time period. We can only hope to work together and create a uptopia where the Velvet Underground is banned from our airwaves. Where kites shaped like anything but a diamond are summarily conflagrated. And we can cure the common cold. Remember, these ideas ran first here, in the Gource.
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